As we age, the stress and time it takes to manage finances can become overwhelming. Honestly, I hate to pay bills, even at my age, so I can only imagine how difficult it can become for an aging parent, when coupled with health problems such as cancer or the onset of dementia. My mother used to be the sole caretaker of banking and bill paying in my parent’s marriage. For the past several years, she has not touched the checkbook, or paid a single bill.
My father quietly assumed the role as it became obvious to him that mom was struggling with some memory problems and mild confusion. Now that he is ill, I know that money and banking issues weigh greatly on his mind. As my sister and I learn more about his illness, we also must be vigilant to watch for any warning signs that he may not be up to shouldering the entire burden of managing and making sound financial decisions. What should we watch for? Here are a few things to do to help take care of our parents’ finances:
Be observant and listen. The biggest clues to our finances can often be found in conversations and in the home environment.
Know who your parents talk to. Sudden new friends may indicate someone who is trying to pull off a quick money making scam. Be aware of their friends and neighbors.
Put your elderly parents on the no call list for telemarketers. Visit the National Do Not Call registry at www.donotcall.gov.
Make yourself available. Offer to help balance the checkbook or pay some of the bills.
Watch for inappropriate purchases. Are multiple crock pots sitting unopened in boxes, or are there several magazine subscriptions crowding the mailbox?
Respect their financial rights. Above all, remember it is still their money and they have the right to choose, make mistakes and retain their independence as long as possible.
My parents have always been very private with their financial situation. My sister and I never knew how much, or how little money we had as a family. I do know, that my needs were always met, I always got a present on our frequent shopping trips. How do I breach that barrier of privacy that my parents have always set around their finances? Well, I’m honestly not sure, to tell you the truth. In the next few weeks, as we learn more about my father’s cancer, and the prognosis, we will undoubtedly encounter many issues head on, without preparation. I do know, that I am preparing as much as possible, on how to have these conversations with my father: plans for our mother’s care in a worst case scenario, discussion of financial assets and bank accounts, handling of various bill paying responsibilities, and future living arrangements. Big topics to cover, but ones that I will be sharing with you as we travel this journey together through the holidays. For now, answers to your questions regarding financial planning and care provisions can be answered by the trusted and knowledgeable care providers at Lutheran Homes of Michigan. Please contact a care representative today by calling 989-652-3470 or by emailing
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. What resources have you found helpful when dealing with financial decisions for your parents? Resources: “Warning Signs That Your Elderly Parent’s Finances Are off Track- And How to Deal With It”. June A. Schroeder, RN, CFP.www.agingcare.com “Aging Parents and Conflict Resolution Warning Signs Your Parents Finances Are Off Track”.www.all-things-conflict-resolution-and-adr.com “Is My Elderly Parent a Shopaholic?”. Carol Bradley Bursack.www.agingcare.com
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My mother used to be the sole caretaker of banking and bill paying in my parent’s marriage. For the past several years, she has not touched the checkbook, or paid a single bill. 
