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Doctor’s Appointments: When to Be Involved and When to Mind Your Own Business |
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 Thanksgiving came, and with some changes this year, we still managed to have a nice family holiday. My mother didn’t bring her traditional cranberry salad. She can no longer remember the recipe, a loss that comes more frequently now as a result of her dementia. Our father brought his folding chairs and came to dinner, looking tired and frail, but there none the less.
Now that Thanksgiving is over we are facing a flood of doctor’s appointments and testing with our dad, who has been diagnosed with cancer. My sister and I are not always included or informed of his medical appointments, and to be honest, it hurts our feelings and makes us a tad bit angry. After all, we just want to help, and take care of things for him. Isn’t that what he would want?
Maybe, but more likely, he still wants some privacy and independence in his medical decisions. How can we balance being involved with knowing when to mind our own business? Here’s some guidelines for being involved with your aging parents health decisions that I’m finding helpful:
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Ask questions politely. Don’t just assume that you will be present at every medical appointment. My first reaction when my father was diagnosed was to jump into “control mode”. It's important to partner with our parents in their health decisions, so ask questions about their wishes for your involvement.
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Be an active listener. Being a health care worker for so many years, my first impulse was to take over and start making decisions, mainly based on what I would want, not necessarily what my father wants. Actively listen and focus on what your aging parent is saying, without thinking about what you want to say next. Listening at the beginning of a medical journey can greatly benefit decisions that will have to be made down the road.
- Be respectful. After all, this is my father’s health and life decisions, and he has the right to make his own decisions as long as possible. Even if I don’t like it.
What should you do though, if it becomes apparent that your aging parent may not be capable of handling all of the new medical information that comes his way? Follow me next week as I share my plan for more effectively communicating with my parents about their health decisions.
Remember every day, families just like yours are experiencing the support and education they need to navigate the aging journey from expert aging care professionals at Lutheran Homes of Michigan. For more information on dealing with life changing issues with your parents or a loved one, contact a care representative at Lutheran Homes of Michigan by calling 989-652-3470 or by emailing
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What struggles have you experienced with your parents in making health decisions?
Resources
www.parentgiving.com
www.greatplacesinc.com
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