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Hopelessly Devoted to You...Respecting His Wishes at Doctor’s Appointments |
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Written by Grace McKennal
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 The Christmas season has rocketed off to a whirlwind of doctor’s visits with my father. This “Cancer 500” we seem to be racing in has caused me to re-examine my expectations for my dad’s health. More importantly though, I’ve learned to put my old map away, and rely on my father’s built in GPS for navigating his health care course.
However, as my father’s treatment plan progresses, I’m not sure that he fully comprehends all of the serious issues that he will be facing. Elizabeth Kubler Ross identified the five stages of grief as Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. I believe that my father is in denial. He doesn’t seem to realize that it would be helpful to have another family member, besides my mother who has dementia, to accompany him to his medical appointments. Sometimes, he even questions the diagnosis and results of his labs. Having me or my sister with him on doctor visits might help clear up some of this misunderstand. Here is my plan:
- Be Honest. I had a conversation with my dad and told him that I wanted to be at his appointments because I love him and want to be informed. He in turn, doesn’t want to be a burden because he thinks I’m busy enough without attending to his new medical needs. Honesty clears up misunderstandings.
- Realize not every appointment requires someone to go along. Going with him when he has a CAT scan done may be intruding, but going along when he meets with the doctor for the CAT scan results is a more important time for involvement. Pick the appointments that are more informative and go along.
- Respect his need for privacy. There may be some appointments that my dad would rather go to by himself, and as long as he is mentally and physically able to do so, I need to respect his wishes for privacy in certain circumstances.
This journey of traveling the cancer road will be filled with many bumps and road closings I’m sure, but I need to realize I am just the passenger, not the driver. My dad is still very capable of making sound medical decisions and he needs some time to adjust to his diagnosis. With some gentle conversations and honesty about our wishes, I’m positive that my dad and I will soon be looking at the same road map for this journey. Happy driving Dad, turn left at the next road, and keep your speed under 55 please. Sometimes, I can still be a backseat driver, right?
Great support and education is at your fingertips! For more information on dealing with life changing issues with your parents or a loved one, contact a care representative at Lutheran Homes of Michigan by calling 989-652-3470 or by emailing
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Resources
www.parentgiving.com
www.greatplacesinc.com
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