I learned a funny thing about long distance caregivers recently when my sister was home for Christmas. She visited our parents separately from me and my family due to other obligations. My sister lives alternately in Ohio, and Michigan, where she teaches at a large university. I live fifteen minutes from our parents, so naturally, I see our parents more often. You might think, that since I am geographically closer to our parents, that I might be physically closer to them also. However, that’s just not true. In fact, while my sister was visiting over the holiday, she had an enlightening conversation with our mother who admitted that she has problems with her memory and with her words.
The fact that my mother admitted this to my sister caused a little bit of sibling rivalry to flare. After all, I’m closer and see her more frequently, so doesn’t it make sense that she would admit this to me first? Not necessarily, and really, it shouldn’t matter at all. What is important though, is that my mother should speak with her doctor about her concerns, and as a family, that we understand and support her through this process.
Along with the memory issues and problems with her speech, here are 5 other signs that we may need to watch for in helping to care for our mom:
Trouble understanding visual images and spatial relationships. For some individuals, having new problems with their vision may be a warning sign of Alzheimer’s. They may have difficulty reading, judging distance and determining color or contrast. My mom has always been an avid reader, but shows no interest in looking at magazines or opening a new novel. Someone with Alzheimer’s may pass a mirror and not recognize the individual reflected back as themselves.
Misplacing things and losing the ability to retrace steps. Someone with Alzheimer’s may put things in odd places or may lose something and not be able to retrace their steps to find it. In my mom’s case, she frequently misplaces various objects and accuses someone else of moving it or stealing it.
Decreased or poor judgment. A warning sign to watch for is poor judgment when dealing with money, such as frivolous spending or donating to multiple new charities, or becoming a victim of a telemarketing scam. Someone with Alzheimer’s may also begin to exhibit poor judgment in grooming habits and keeping themselves clean.
Withdrawal from work or social activities. Someone with Alzheimer’s may begin to isolate themselves from taking part in social activities, hobbies or work projects. They may have trouble completing the steps required with their hobby or they may withdraw socially because of communication changes they have experienced. At Christmas, even though mom came to our house, she did not speak with anyone, just politely smiled while never leaving my dad’s side.
Changes in mood and personality. Someone with Alzheimer’s may experience many changes in their personality, such as confusion, suspicion, depression, fear or anxiety. They may become easily upset or angry at home, work or when with friends or in places where they are out of their comfort zone. My sister and I witness increased confusion in our mother every time our father is in the hospital and mom goes to visit, or really, any time mom is out of the comfort zone of their own home.
Right now, my mother is exhibiting all of these symptoms to some degree. Some days are much better than others, like the recent Christmas visit my sister was able to experience. The degree of severity or even the fact of whether a symptom is present or not changes constantly, depending on factors such as mom’s environment, stimuli, pain, stress, or even our father’s cancer. As frustrating, and sometimes infuriating it is for me and my sister, we can only hesitate to imagine how frightening it is for our parents, especially my father who isn’t sure how long he will be around to take care of mom.
Remember every day, families just like yours and mine are experiencing a health care crisis with a loved one. The support and education you need to navigate the aging journey is available from expert care professionals at Lutheran Homes of Michigan. For more information on dealing with life changing issues with your parents or a loved one, contact a care representative at Lutheran Homes of Michigan by calling 989-652-3470 or by emailing
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What coping strategies do you find helpful in dealing with these Alzheimer’s symptoms?
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